Snakes have been known to live this particular area of the compound and i knw why. On any other hot day the wall on this end is hottest.
Tonight however, it's cold.
It's coldness somehow seems to add to the sadness that i feel inside.
A man's greatest need is to be respected.
A woman's greatest need? Affection.
Women give affection. It's the only way they know how to love.
Since when did women believe that if u give him what he needs you'll get what u want?
I find myself in that sort of predicament.
Since when did giving someone the kind of respect you would like to be accorded, guarantee that u'd get that kind of respect back?
Today has been a particularly hard day. Not because anythting broke me, but because my spirit was broken.
My morning was amazing. My morning comprised a simple prayer and request, and that request promptly answered.
At this point i find myself fighting tears and a heavy heart but i'm determined to finish this. Besides it's my first e-mail to blog post :)
At some point in the afternoon, i never know the difference these days anyway!
A lot of tribal talk.
So this ass of a woman who used to pick and drop my siblings to and from school, has been spreading tribal stories about my family, and particularly my siblings and parents. Our neighbours who happen to be very good family friends who've shunned all the little ploys by our Kikuyu neighbours to get the Luos out of the area called.
Mother was soooo mad, she ccalled the woman and told her off. So the woman hung up on my mother.
Useless bitch!
At some point in the conversation she asked my mother if she was threatening her. My family does NOT make idle threats.
We don't pull rank. But if we needed to. Trust me. We would little bitch.
We could seriously sort u out. Do NOT mess with us!
So what if my parents are proud? I am! They bloody hell have a right to be!
They started out in frigging UMOJA! And even there,they couldn't afford to house, and properly clothe or feed themselves!
BITCH!
My parents worked their way up!
And God has always had their back!
How else do u explain that my once dying brother lives?
That my sister missed death by a whisker at birth?
And despite all the juju, i drove home with an unbolted tyre from town to home through Kiambu rd.?
We've been through it all BITCH!
Not too long ago, my folks almost couldn't make the payments on their mortgage! And my dad lost his job.
Sometimes how we survive is a sheer miracle!
From school fees to the car breaking down!
We pushed our Peugeot for almost a yr before the folks could do anything about it!
BITCH!
I've been robbed!
In Karen! Damn it! Almost car-jacked!!
My parents are perpetually threatening to leave each other! HELLO!
Tribalism is the least of our worries!
BIATCH!!!!
And now, i'm suffering from withdrawal syndrome.
People say u can be lonely in a crowd.
And they're right.
U don't have to be alone to be lonely.
Today i'm having a lonely day.
And Mr. George T. Mwendwa has this knack of calling me on those days. It's like we have some sort of esp. Always have.
But instead of answering his phone calls (all 5 of them) right when i needed to pick up the phone and hear him say in his charateristic towtally rehearsed baritone (private joke) "Hey there beautiful"
I let it ring.
Now all i want to do is text him. I know he'll call me and i won't want to hang up.
And then i'll need another one of those long conversations with S about why it will not and did not work, even though i know she likes him. Not likes-likes him..but likes him.
And besides i've got B :) which is really nice :)
The thing about being in a relationship is that u'r secrets are not just yours. They belong to the other person as well.. :) and that is all i will say :)
The end.
I think i'll call Waweru, and cap it off with S, the two people who know just what to say.
2011 shall see more letting go of the past and allowing the new people in my life to know what i want and need.
Honest communication. :)
Even though the end is near, i can feel it, unless Jesus intervenes!
Problem is,.. I don't know if i want him to :/
All my love,
Cinna.
Xoxo.
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