I thought somehow, at this point it would be easier, but i still have moments when all i can bear to do is breathe. And with every breath my heart shatters.
Somedays i don't even want to breathe.
But i do anyway.
I may shed a few tears but i breathe, and somehow i make it through the day.
This past weekend, i spent quite a bit of time with the men in my life.
My cousins,uncle and the mainest man in my grannys life, my grand-daddy.
I've found that with age, the state of my relationships with the men in my life greatly resembles that of a Marlow from the beautiful vineyards of South Africa which i imagine, far surpass those of the famous Nappa Valley.
The men in my life have continuously treated women in their lives and in mine with a type of respect that can only be accorded to the woman that you love.
This weekend grand-daddy, also known as Kwaru or rather correctly would be Kwara,.asked me to spend Sunday afternoon with him.
He was in town for only a week to see those closest to his heart as he put it.
Besides, he and granny aka Dani were both unwell, needless to say after they re-united! Heh! They were INSTANTLY healed.
:)
Oh,..love :)
Back to our talk.
Grand-dad wanted to find out how school was going and if i was happy where i was and to hear all the funny stories about my clinicals.
When it came to relationship talk, he looked at me right in the eyes and as if he could read my heart, or see the tears hidden in my eyes, he gave advice.
No questions.
He simply held my hand, and spoke to me from the depths of his heart.
A grandfather who loves his eldest grand-daughter, a concerned parent, a man in love with his wife. One who married the love of his life and has loved and prayed for her every single day of their almost 50year old marriage.
Much of what he told me, is our little secret. Much of it was him holding me and wiping away my internal tears, but he did share some wisdom with me.
No one, can run your relationship.
No one can tell you what to do in your relationship unless you allow them. But you must remember it will be your cross to bear.
Whether you realise it or not, you are special. And you deserve the best. Even Jesus came that you may have the best of eternal life.
When you decide to love someone, love them with all you have. And you'll be okay. There's nothing you will be unable to face if you face it together.
No one, not even your parents can decide how you should live your life, don't allow it.
It made me smile to hear him say that.
It also made me sad.
All in all,..
He prays for me, and as it is, that's more than i could ask for.
The pain seems to get more intense as the days go on.
I've always thought that physical pain is much easier.
You can pop pain killers, and if it doesn't work, you can find a better solution.
Emotional and mental anguish on the other hand,..you MUST live through.
I don't think it gets easier, but i do think we must get better at dealing with the emotions...
What do you think?
All my love,
Cinnamon.
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