Hello :) I have too many drafts! It's about time i was honest with you.
Acting like it's one big secret is helping us not.
Being single is new to me. Prior to the last relationship, was the only time in my young life that i can say i was trully single.
Since then,i have lost that skill.
If S is anything to go by, i hated it and right now i'm glad i'm over discovering that part of me.
Although it was self imposed singledom, all i wanted to do was be in a relationship.
I wanted someone to spoil with attention.
I like to think that i'm a very loving and giving girlfriend.
I will be at your beck and call, and although i absolutely love my life (most days :) my commitments included, i love having someone to drop all of that to spend time with.
I do it all the time with my friends!
Now that i'm single, and i have no one really to give myself to, i'm spending my energies on my friends :)
Yes. Friends.
They are ones on the other end of the morning calls i get and make.
And usually, the day begins just right.
I have a suitor :)
Yes, i have issues with being alone.:)
I know it, and i accept it..and before you think i need to sort out those issues, i'll have you remember that no man (Or woman) is an island! :)
Let's call him Eric :) (I've always wanted to date an Eric btw!) anyhow, so last week during the only real break down i've had over the end of the relationship, i went through my phonebook and i called every guy in my phonebook that wasn't affiliated with my last relationship in any way.
Eligible bachelors,..and ALL THEIR CELLPHONES were turned OFF!
All TWELVE of them! Again, eligible bachelors are few and i really should stock up on those :)
Anyway, that's when i called Eric!
So now i'm sure u think i wanted to use and abuse this man, but nope.
I was now frustrated and all i wanted to do is focus on someone else. So i picked Eric.
There's a background story to Eric,..I met him in the honeymoon stage of my last relationship. And this girl was starstruck! Not because sijui he's famous or anything like that, but he had a certain presence that i loved. What was the problem then?
Eric was my type.
Towtally! from the description i've always given my girls about the man i will marry :)
What did i do?
I ran.
I took off at 180Km/h in the opposite direction.
He showed up at the office everyday since the day we met. He brought me coffee, he called me to chat, he was all that and more.
And then one day he handed me the keys to his car. Now that is a story for another day, but Eric is suave.
He knew what he wanted and he was out to get it.
He asked for my number, and at his insistence i took his instead.
I was focusing on my new love.
Eric would take a backseat, and if neccesary, forever.
So i called Eric and he was very excited to hear from me.
It's been at least 6months since the last time i saw him.
His career has taken off beautifully! I would know. I googled him :D
Yes, he's old enough to be googled and have a net worth!
*sigh*
So he's much older than me, but we get along beautifully. And my girls don't seem to mind the age thing much. I spoke to an aunt of mine and she says that it's okay, and just to take it slow.
Need i say it?
GREEN LIGHT!
:D
I know i need to. Take it slow, that is.I'm just out of a relationship after all!
But after over 6months the very thought of me turns Eric to mush! He BLUSHES when our colleagues mention me. I love it! :)
Plus there's no harm in getting to know someone right?
He's gentle, calm, polite, focussed, confident, loud enough and has more energy than he knows what to do with. Ribenna berry kando!
He has a nice smile :)
He's my friend. And for now, that's all i'm giving.
Besides, this single thing has me wanting to upgrade all areas of my life.
My closet, my hair, my school life, my friends, my family. EVERYTHING!
And until i do so,..there's no room for a semi-permanent to permanent resident in this Cinnamons heart.
S loves it, and she supports it.
She's my sounding board.
She insisted that i grieve and then get mad.
I already got mad.
I am mad.
But it's my fault.
I continually gave my all, and getting nothing in return drained me. It did.
Now i'm glowing.
I'm giving selflessly to those who are giving to me selflessly. We're balanced.
I'm happier. Bouncy-er.
I'm laughing more.
I love to laugh! I'm that girl who giggles. A LOT!
It started off as hysterics so as not to cry, and now i laugh my heart out.
Just this past weekend, i laughed until i began to cry.
How long it been? I can hardly recall the last time life wasn't so serious.
Picking up and moving on is never easy, but it's ALWAYS worth it.
Don't ever give up, just conceed defeat,..There's a WORLD of difference!
Wish me luck! :)
Mwah!
All my love,
Cinnamon
Xoxo.
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